MESSAGE FROM PETE
February 2008

FROM THE METROPOLIS YOUTH & FAMILY MINISTRIES OFFICE

 How Far Is Too Far?

Part 2 of a 4 part Series

By Pete Sotiras, Director

Last month, we looked at why the Church believes that the proper context for sex is marriage.  Many teenagers and young adults understand this, but many still want to know what’s allowed prior to that.  A common question is, “How much can I get away with without going too far?”  It is this question that I will attempt to answer.  Here’s what I have to say to that: we’re asking the wrong question.  That kind of question is a selfish question.  It’s a question that seeks to use someone for our own gratification and it’s disguised as “loving” someone.  The questions we should be asking are the following: Do I see the person who I’m attracted to as someone who I can be friends with?  Can I get along with this person and have good conversation with them?  Will they respect my morals or values?  Do we share the same interests?  Ultimately, does this person believe in Christ and will they help me in my relationship with God?  These are the right questions to ask. 

I can hear some of you already--after answering positive to all those questions, you still may want to ask me how far is too far.  I think that if marriage is not your goal in a relationship, then anything could be too far.  I know, I know, marriage isn’t even on the radar for you at this point but I’m just asking you to think a little more critically about our society’s view of physical intimacy (kissing, making out, hooking up, and beyond).  If you have no intention of being in a committed relationship with marriage as your goal, then physical intimacy is just recreation, just for fun and if that’s it, then you are devaluing yourself and the other person because both of you are created in God’s image and likeness and both of you deserve treatment befitting children of God. 

There are many reasons why physical intimacy should be limited if non-existent for you, and I encourage you to talk more about this issue with your priest.  Here’s the reason I’d like to share with you: as teenagers, now is the time to focus on bettering yourself.  Now is the time for all of you to excel and invest your time in areas such as your spiritual life, education, sports, hobbies and friendships.  Now is the time for you to lay the foundation down for the person you will become ten years down the road.  All these things are accomplished without being physically intimate and sexually active.  If anything, physical intimacy and sexual activity will hinder or prevent you from bettering yourself and also often results in emotional stress and drama.  My advice to all of you in high school—develop your friendships, be involved in the life of the Church, help those in need, be involved in community projects and services, try something new that you’ve always wanted to do, travel, read a new book, draw, go on a missions trip, excel in your sport.  Now is the time for you to forge your identity and have fun.  How far is too far?  Anything that leads you away from God, from reaching your potential and that takes away the joy that comes with being an Orthodox Christian, especially at this wonderful time in your life.

[Youth and their families can contact Pete at: sfyouth@sanfran.goarch.org.  You can also view and download this article from the Metropolis Youth webpage at: http://www.youth.sanfran.goarch.org/]