MESSAGE FROM PETE
April 2008

FROM THE METROPOLIS YOUTH & FAMILY MINISTRIES OFFICE

 Should Faith Matter When Dating?

Part 4 of a 4 part Series

By Pete Sotiras, Director

During many of the discussions I’ve had with teenagers about dating, I always ask them: does the other person’s faith matter?  Is it a prerequisite that they’re an Orthodox Christian before you start dating them?  Most of the time, the answer is, “I’m young, I’m not thinking about marriage, so someone else’s faith really isn’t on the top of my priority list.”  Some of you might be in the same boat.  You may feel as though someone’s religion isn’t important until you are considering marriage; right now though, you tell yourself, it’s not critical.  This month, I’d like to offer you a different way to view the issue of faith and dating.

One of the key aspects of a solid relationship is common goals and beliefs.  The person that you’ll date in the future or are dating now should have the same goals as you do about life.  The goal of dating for us as Orthodox should be the same as the goal of marriage: striving for the Kingdom of God.  If members of an orchestra are not playing their instrument at the right time, or are off key, then the piece of music is going to sound horrible.  If a couple is dancing and one of them is not moving to the right beat, then the other person suffers (and might be a bit embarrassed).  Here’s the point: you have to be on the same page about the important things in life with the other person and nothing is more important than your relationship with God—in other words, the goal matters, otherwise, you’ll stumble. 

Your relationship with God and with His Church is important because it provides the lens you use to view the world.  How you view other people, how you conduct yourself, how you react to crises, what you value and what you care about are all grounded in our faith in God and in the Church.  Dating someone who also has the faith as a foundation will make your relationship not only easier but stronger.  If the other person has fundamental differences in these areas, it creates challenges and frustrations.  Of course, just because someone is Orthodox doesn’t mean that things will work out.  It just means that you have the same solid foundation that could be built upon. 

Being with someone who shares your faith is the greatest possible situation whether dating or married because you’re both striving for the same noble and honorable goal.  There’s nothing more beautiful than to be with someone that also has a relationship with Christ and His Church.  There’s nothing better than to both be able to turn to Christ for help, for answers, and for consolation during times of difficulty.  There’s nothing better than to be able to praise Him and worship Him together.  There’s nothing greater than to be able to both participate in the sacraments.  As followers of Christ, you both are lovers of truth.  You both care about others and the world. You both put your hope in the Trinity knowing that “not a hair on your head will be lost” (Luke 21:18).  By being with someone who also strives for the Kingdom of God, your relationship will not only have a strong foundation, but it will flourish.

[Youth and their families can contact Pete at: sfyouth@sanfran.goarch.org.  You can also view and download this article from the Metropolis Youth webpage at: http://www.youth.sanfran.goarch.org/]