MESSAGE FROM
Rev. Deacon NIKO BEKRIS
December 2009
Metropolis Youth and Family Ministries Director
“A
Holy Gift”
(part 3 of 4)
I’ll admit
I’m a huge baseball fan, but I never
understood what bases had to do with dating.
People refer to first, second, etc when it
comes to dating, and I guess the further you
go with someone physically, the further you
go along the bases, right? It seems
there are a lot of messages floating around
in our society about relationships,
specifically about physical relationships-
how far you’re allowed to go, how
everything’s okay as long as both people
consent, how it’s okay as long as it
doesn’t affect your happiness, etc.
When a person hears these kinds of messages,
you almost say to yourself, “Yeah, I know
that the Church teaches to wait until
marriage to have sex, but is that even
realistic today? Does anyone even do
that?”
Two months ago,
I shared that true romantic love is just as
much a function of the soul as of the body,
and some thoughts about what our
understanding of love should be. Last
month I shared some thoughts about the next
step, dating, and how any romantic
relationship is fulfilled when it is
centered around God and our being selfless,
not selfish. This month, I’d like to
share some thoughts about another dimension
of relationships- physical relations- and to
seriously look at this question, because it
is something we’re faced with today, and
not just in high school. Given the
fact that messages about physical relations
are thrown around today in TV, movies,
music, billboards, everywhere, I feel it’s
important that we bring an awareness to our
Church’s message about this topic, and ask
ourselves, Is this even possible anymore?
First, I would
ask the following- Have you ever dated
someone, not done anything physical with
them, and then stopped seeing them after
things didn’t work out? How hard is
it to stop seeing that person? Now
consider how hard it is to stop seeing
someone you have done something physical
with, even just kissed? It is much
harder to stop seeing someone who you have
done something physical with, because
physical relations create an even deeper
connection between two people. It’s
true, and yet we barely ever consider it.
When your love- not lust- grows for someone
romantically, you want to share something
with the person beyond just a hello or a
hug. This is something very natural
and human that God has given us. And
yet, God knows that physical relations
between a man and a woman do bring them
closer together, and He wants us to
experience this in a safe, healthy way, and
not get hurt.
If you have sex
with someone, or do anything physical with
someone, and later that person decides they
don’t want to see you anymore, it is very,
very hurtful. On the other hand, if
two people share physical intimacy within
the context of a married relationship, there
is safety, security, and commitment there
that allows that love to be fulfilled-
especially if two people in a marriage do
their best to emulate Christ’s love in
their love for one another. In other
words, God wants you to guard your heart.
God has given us something tremendously
special, a holy gift, and He doesn’t want
us to emotionally burn ourselves out, or
disrespect our bodies by treating sex as if
it weren’t a blessing. It is not
about how many “bases” someone gets to.
It’s not about “getting with someone.”
If you allow God to guide your relationship
with someone- your body and your soul- and
you wait until marriage to have sex, you
will experience a healthy relationship and
God won’t let you down. Dating is a
time to just focus on getting to know more
about yourself and about what kind of person
you gel with, and God willing, who you
ultimately will marry.
